In the footsteps of David Balfour

Actor DAVID FITZGERALD is playing David Balfour in Perth Theatre & Mull Theatre’s joint touring production of Kidnapped. He has agreed to keep a diary of his travels in the path of Robert Louis Stevenson’s famous hero for the Arts Journal.

Day One – Monday 6th October

Cast members from Mull Theatre's 'Kidnapped'

I rose at 6.30am and met the cast at Perth Theatre at 8am. I had never seen my fellow actors and crew that early before, and they didn’t look good. There was a strong wind blowing up from the east. We passed through Aberdeen. I was surprised how big it was, the chunky houses reminded me of chunky boots. The rest of my companions found this very amusing and asked if that meant a church steeple could be likened to a pair of stilettos. On the road we had to make a stop at John Davidson’s (our composer/musician) Aunt Dolly’s House at Ardallie to collect essential equipment – tray bakes.

This is my first day of touring ever – I hope it gets easier!

Day Two – Inverurie, Town Hall. Tuesday 7th October

We got lost on our way from Fraserburgh to Inverurie. We were following Fleur (the company stage manager) in her vehicle and she went past the road to Aberdeen. The van is very uncomfortable. My companions for the journey were Struan (assistant stage manager) and Beth (actor). Struan had made up some cds, so we sang along to random songs- Stevie Wonder and Sum 41.

Inverurie is lovely. It is bigger than I thought. I had imagined it to be a tiny village. The Town Hall where we were playing was massive with a balcony which made it quite ‘echo-ey’. It meant we had to push to make ourselves heard. The audience were both very close (2 feet away) and very far away and full of kids. I am trying to find a balance between subtlety and big acting. Touring Kidnapped is very different to performing it at Perth Theatre.

Oh well, at least the place we were staying at had a cracking power shower – and a good shower makes a good man!

Day Three- Elgin Town Hall, Wednesday 8th October

On the way to Elgin, travelling with Struan, I vigorously air drummed to Bon Jovi, hurting my leg. The last couple of days have caught up and everyone is very tired. When we got to Elgin we all had a couple of hours off, most people slept except I couldn’t and I felt quite agitated. Elgin is a lovely place, a lot bigger than I thought. It has a big fountain and a shopping centre and a church thing. I haven’t been to any of the places we are touring to except Bunessan.

The Town Hall is big and we played on the stage. We had a large audience (200). They loved it. We were called back for a second curtain call. The performance is getting stronger.

The wind was fierce and dangerous. My hair can’t handle it, I need a hat. When we were getting the set in, I got trapped by a fire door, with a weird curved handle, that was blown shut. I have a cool scar. After the show we all went to the pub (we had sent scouts ahead). Later Struan and I fed our faces at a Kebab shop.

The wind is more dangerous than it first appears!

Day Four – Aberdeen, Arts Centre, Thursday 9th October

Struan and I skipped breakfast and slept on. We had an unexpected tour of Aberdeen as we got lost, it’s all one way. The roads are beautiful, the scenery quite nice. When we got there the art centre was up a spiral staircase. There was a lot of grumpy people. Everything took ages, we didn’t finish getting set up ’till almost 4 o’clock. A lot of people got injured: banging into doors , doing their backs in…. Not one of my favourite days, but things will pick up. I had hoped to got to the pictures. There was no hot water where I was staying to have a shave. There was a smaller but appreciative audience. They seemed to really enjoy it. At one point the lightning flashes came in as if in negative – strange effect. After the show Struan and I had a pizza.

Hopefully it can’t get much worse than Aberdeen although Aberdeen itself is a great place.

Day Five – Dunfermline, Carnegie Hall. Friday 10th October

On way to Dunfermline with Struan, god bless his patience. We stopped at Perth Theatre to pick up some stuff. Nice to be in my in my home town again but annoying that I couldn’t go home. I enquired about a job crewing at the panto over Christmas. The drive was dead easy. When we pulled up outside the Carnegie hall there was a huge banner with Steeley (Alan Steele, actor playing Ebenezer) and my mugs on it and Kidnapped in large letters, quite random!

Dunfermline is quite nice, lovely, clean and quite big. I went to a cool pub and had a burger with pepperoni and cheese. The get in was really easy and the get out was 50min! Our hotel had a bar so aftershow was sorted. Went to the cinema and saw Nemo- cracking! I have been trying to go for three days. To get there I had to walk outside Dunfermline thru a little village across the bypass. I just got there in time to see the film.

Popped in to get some chips and got picked up the moment I got back leaving no time for a sit down. The performance went well. It now runs fast, a lot smoother, flowing really well .Nearly sweltering as the radiators were turned up. John Langford (actor plays Hoseason) had to cut one of his wigs. The weather is nice, we are not in the north east now, though got a bit chilly in the night. Read some of the feedback from the audiences so far, all really positive, loved the set and the music. On one form it said “nice one Fitzy” which is a nickname from school that I hate. No idea who had travelled to see me.

Day Six – Stonehaven, Town Hall. Saturday 11th October

Ok journey. Got into Stonehaven, couldn’t find the Town Hall. Ended up at the railway station. Turned around, saw this guy, asked him the way to the “toon haal” (as he said). He showed us. It was covered in scaffolding on the main road. I thought that there must be a back way in so told Struan to turn right down this lane which turned out to be one way to the sea! Too narrow to turn round. Stop, stop, stop! Had to reverse straight out. I was laughing so hard I nearly… Struan was really angry.

The get in was quite easy. Our hotel turned out to be near the railway station. We new the way! Really nice, the owner used to be a journalist and had lots of photos of old time movie stars up in his dinning room. Some of us went to the pub to watch the football, cracking game. We screamed when Fletcher scored then remembered to watch our voices – so professional. Then I had a steak which cost a lot of money. There were no showers, I used all the hot water having a bath leaving none for Struan. The show was sold out. We got up to the bit where I knock on the door of the House of Shaws and the lights went out.

I thought a queue had been mucked up, didn’t know what to do. We had to keep going, but no one could see us. Then Fleur made an announcement that we had lost the power and stopped the show. Turned out to be a faulty fuse box. Sandy (Sandy Maxwell, NEAT) had to sit by the fuse box and keep shoving the blown ones back in. It turned out to be a really good show. Steeley said it made us more human. Felt like we were all in it together. Some kids really wanted to meet the actors after the show and there were some teary eyes in the front row. Nice place and people.

Despite everything that happened a good end to the week. Looking forward to Ullapool.

Day Seven – Sunday 12th October, Day Off, Stonehaven – Ullapool

Struan and I travelled to Inverness where we met up with Fleur and Beth for a lovely lunch –Sunday roast. After, we went to MVC( Margaret Verucca Canopy) and spent £80 on random stuff. On route to Inverness I had noticed a cinema, we went to see Cabin Fever. It has the best ending of a film I have ever seen! Drove to Ullapool. Found Fleur, John Langford and Beth wrecked at the Seaforth Hotel. Went back to our cupboard sized bunkroom. No Ladder. I had to do an Olympic manoeuvre to get into bed. Sleepless night, girls in next room making too much noise, I woke in the night to hear John Langford banging on their door.

Day Eight – Monday 13th October, Macphail Centre Ullapool

Get in really nice, lovely, Very slidy floor. Lunch at The Cally Inn, soup and pannini £5.99. A big bowl of soup and two hunks of bread followed by the biggest pannini you have seen in your life on a bed of chips and with a huge salad. I couldn’t manage it and gave mine to Fleur when she arrived.

The performance that night – audience very quiet. We took our bow and went off, audience kept on clapping. Not sure whether to go out for another bow. From the other side of the stage John Langford went on with Andy Clark (Alan Breck) and Alan McPherson. Finding us missing, John stormed off leaving the other two who smiled and gave each other a hug. I was laughing so hard I nearly… John sat in the dressing room with his head in his hands. We have changed the bow now. After the show I was asked how I identify with the character of David Balfour. Whist playing David Balfour I am always trying to find the truth in any situation. In the scene with Ebenezer, after I nearly come off the stairs, as I come back I am both angry and afraid. Afraid of what he is capable of. I realise that David is mentally naïve. There are a lot of conflicting emotions. Often I am trying to act bigger than I am. When I meet Colin Campbell his reputation goes before him and so I put on a persona to hide my true feelings of fear. As myself I often say things without thinking in that way I can really identify with David Balfour.

We took our drinks to the massive lounge upstairs in the Ceilidh Place and chilled. Beth gave Andy Clark and I new hairstyles, tying our hair up into a pony tail at the front and two at the sides. Chatted to one of the barmaids without remembering my ridiculous hairdo…

Day Nine – Tuesday 14th October – Lochinver, Village Hall.

The road to Lochinver is stunning, up and down hills like a wee roller coaster. Really beautiful, right by the sea with signs saying Keep to the Left in different languages. The hall was worryingly tiny with a sloped roof. Weren’t sure whether the set could fit. It just managed it. Only one entrance so we blocked bits of it and created a walkway behind the gauze. Felt a bit guilty after the show because before the show I had not been up for it, taking such a big show to such a tiny place. At the get out there were two little girls called Ruth and Elizabeth waiting, they had written us letters saying how great the show was and wished we could do the whole show again. One girl was learning to play the violin and thought John Davidson was brilliant. It was their first ever time going to the theatre. I let them try on my hat. Made it all worth while. It re affirmed why we were doing it. At the get out looked up and the Aurora Borealis started. It was bizarre. Looked like someone had wrapped the world in cling film and was waving it around. Favourite day of the tour so far.

The place we were staying in was really nice with a lovely dog called Judy. Later watched Barbarella for the first time, I had never seen Jane Fonda before. She is so beautiful.

Day Ten – Wednesday 15th October – Lyth Arts Centre- in – Exile (Hallkirk, Ross Institute)

Cool. Journey great. We had to go south first to get on to A9. The road travels along the coast on the cliffs. The sun was shining across the sea, incredible! Scenery absolutely fantastic. The journeys on tour are all really long and when your cd player is broken, travelling is much easier because of the scenery. When we got to Halkirk I decided we had to turn left, I was wrong. We found the place. There was a bell tower attached to the hall. I went through a small door and up the ladder to the clock. I had never been up a bell tower before the mechanism was amazing. It chimed on the hour which meant it chimed during the show a couple of times but quite distant. The hall was upstairs but ok, we did the fit up in half an hour. Last two places have only had one entrance, getting used to it. It keeps you on your toes. Show was fantastic- a cracking wee show. Alan Steele and I were talking about how we feel really secure with the show now and can now play with it a little. Nothing is decided beforehand but you feel the moment and go for it. It is good fun now. I am relaxing about random halls and will the set fit etc and enjoying the ride.

On the hunt for somewhere to get a decent Long Vodka. My Recipe: Put ice in a glass pour over Angus tine bitters and swill about to cover the glass. Empty out the ice and put in fresh. Add vodka, lemonade and a dash of lime. Optional slice of lime and umbrellas, flamingos.

Day Eleven – Durness, Village Hall. Thursday 16th October

Incredible journey. Struan and I left Halkirk not really knowing where we were going. We were following the van with Fleur in it and lost it. We got to a fork in the road and took the A9. I started to think we might have taken the wrong way when we saw the van on a different road altogether. We phoned them to get the right road.

There is nothing anywhere. It felt like one of those American road movies. Heather everywhere. Suddenly out of nowhere we came across a couple of buildings, really beautiful. Stunning lochs and seas views. As we were coming across, we saw a causeway. When we got there it was a lot bigger than it looked miles away. We got out and joined Beth and Fleur who had also stopped and took photos. On one side water running to the mountains and on the other side the sea.

Coming around a corner we saw a couple of houses then a few more on a hill. I joked wouldn’t it be funny if this was Durness then came across the sign for Durness around the next corner. Durness is really big but really spread out. There is a house with about an acre of land around it then another….about 60 houses in the whole place.

Hotel was fantastic. I waited until last to get my keys for my room as yesterday I had got a great room. Room was gigantic, ridiculous bed the size of three single beds. The biggest bed I have ever seen in my life – cracking hotel with a two person power shower. Nicest place so far. Food fantastic. Left dinner ‘til 6 0’clock. Ordered my starter and main course at same time, so did the rest and it all came so fast – the chef was incredible. Out in plenty of time, quality hotel.

We went to this little bookshop/cafe. I bought RLS Scottish Book Collection and a massive Lord of the Rings. Cracking wee bookstore. Beautiful wee place, beautiful sunset, very peaceful. Struan and I arrived first at the hall – a first! While we waited for Fleur and Beth to get the keys, we all stood on a hill and threw stones at bottles Andy had placed on wall. The get in was dead easy, Durness Village Hall is a brand new , state of the art with air hockey!

Did the show. Not sure if anyone would turn up – then quite busy. Audience very quiet. At the end they were loving it. People, kids wanting our autographs, they loved it.

That night I had to shout to Struan to help me as my bed was swallowing me up, sucking me in. So comfy, I slept thru my alarm.

Day Twelve – Clashmore, Carnegie Hall, Friday 17th October

Drive down Loch Shin was interesting! There was a massive fog that came across the loch, couldn’t see five feet in front. Like that film The Others where she walks into the fog and gets lost, everything was so blurry. The van was very full so every time we put on the brakes when we met another car we would overshoot the passing place.

Clashmore – a lovely place. Dead easy get in (and out). There were a couple of chandeliers we had to take down because we would have trashed them with our set. Went back to Dornoch where we where staying. Struan and I waited again ‘til the last room and were taken to the overspill in the Bank House Hotel across the road. Our room was unbelievably massive with antique furniture and two rocking chairs with rocking footstools, a power shower and a jacuzzi bath. Here for three days – alright! Haven’t got to get up at the crack of dawn. Good as I keep sleeping through my alarm. Massive beach that we still have to check out – and some attractive ladies. Great here, very happy.

The show – we did it, pretty good. People absolutely loved it, whistling and banging their feet. Sold out. There was this girl called Lisa who fell in love with it and got Andy to sign her program. After the show had quite a few drinks at the Eagle Hotel. Alan Steele introduced me to a statue of a caveman eight inches high with a big willie, a find from last time he was here on tour.

Day Thirteen – Ardross, Saturday 18th October

Set alarm for half past nine woke up at half past ten desperate for breakfast. My first word was a swear word when I found out the time. Had a quick power shower- cracking. Told Struan “I’m going to get a pie”. Ran to the bakery, there wasn’t one so went to the Spar and bought a chicken curry pie and a steak pie. Ate the chicken curry pie in front of everyone else – not impressed. I wasn’t impressed with the steak pie and threw it out the van window – some dog will have eaten it.

Took half an hour to get to Ardross. Went across Dornoch Firth. We were going down the A9 (I think) down to Alness and then we saw a random sign and turned up some back road. Came across Beth and Fleur by side of the road again. They thought they were lost, but no. Get in dead easy, place really nice. Then drove back to Dornoch for dinner.Whole time we were there we had amazing food and the waitresses were very attractive. Vocally, really tough show. No reverb. All the sound went out and went nowhere. I was having real problems with my voice at the start. Alan Steele and I were backstage at a scene change going “oh my God, this is very hard”. Felt selfconscious, couldn’t get in to it – not very happy. John Langford kidded me on after the show saying he’d seen me worse…very amusing. OK show. Get out was dead easy. Fleur put me in charge of packing the van. Everything has a specific order and a definite place. It is now my new job. Went back had lots to drink – 4 x long vodkas. At last somewhere that made a great long vodka. Then off to bed.

Day Fourteen – Dornoch, Sunday 19th October. Day Off

Really funny. I decided I was going to do nothing but Struan was leaving that day to go see his parents. Got up at 9am and went over for breakfast. Watched rubbish TV all morning, then had a Jacuzzi bath. Then sat in my towel and read Lord of the Rings. Then I remembered I had my laundry to do. Ran over at 2 o’clock. Waited in the lounge, didn’t leave ’til 8.30pm. John Langford was there since 12noon and we were joined by Fleur, and Random Dave (Technical Manager). Ate a lot, drank loads and watched the football. Spent all day talking trash. Everyone came down at different points in the day. After my second pudding decided I’d had enough and went back over the road and watched Gladiator. Best day I’ve had in ages – doing absolutely nothing!

Day Fifteen – The Sunart Centre, Strontian, 20th October

Had to go in the Luton van with Fleur and Beth which was cool. Strontian was miles away. We got lost. We had this thing that Struan and I never get lost and Beth and Fleur do. But I mucked it up. We went down the back way to Inverness instead of going down A9 – it took ages. Went to the Little Chef, a first, and had a tiny wee fruit salad £2.50! Opened my wallet and started laughing as I had no money. Beth saved me. Eventually got to Strontian. We went for lunch at this little place, really random. Kinda bleak. The School (Sunart Centre) was outrageous. It’s not fair, I’m from the city and our schools are crap. There was a big plasma screen in the hall – really smart. Hall was great, get in was easy.

A very stressful day. We made a bad group decision to go back to Lochaline where we were staying. We got there in plenty of time but they weren’t serving food. I was staying in a B&B across the way. I needed to go back for a shower and a shave. Got a call saying we’d have to go back to Strontian for food. Stole some towels from Betty (B&B), jumped in the van with Fleur and Beth and kept falling asleep. That ‘sleeping- nodding’ thing apparently was very amusing. Went to this hotel that Struan and his parents were eating in but they couldn’t take us. We went to another hotel but there was little time. It was ten minutes to seven o’clock, poor Fleur had to leave to get back to the hall. John Langford had the best steak I have ever seen. Fleur and I bolted in the van. Struan was getting changed in the dressing room when we got there. He was very confused, we were all so late. The shower had this press button thing. When you pressed it the water went everywhere. Freezing then hot then cold again. I managed it but soaked my towel. Bolted thru with towel wrapped around me. Andy stole my towel and left me buck naked, very funny. Had to borrow John Langfords electric shaver. When I asked him he asked why? “There’s a cat outside who could lick it off for you”. Did a really fast warm up. So stressful. It’s amusing. All this chaotic rubbish then the music came up and I was fine. You just click into it.

The show – they were loving it, really enjoying it. After Andy’s song they started clapping. I was having a great show. Completely opposite to the day before. Really starting to feel things again. Still finding new things. We finished the show, audience were banging their feet, cheering and laughing.

Went back to Lochaline. Struan and I got our stuff into Betty’s B&B. Dumped our stuff, bolted down to the hotel and got some pints in. The guy there brought out a tray of sandwiches. Snooker for 30p. A bunch of us having a great laugh watching TV .There was a Stephen King movie on, Thinner, shockingly bad but funny. I announced that there were not enough films with pies in them.. “bridies revisited”… Struan and I went up the road and got into our beds.

Day sixteen – Bunessan Hall, Isle of Mull, Tuesday 21st October

God, Struan woke me up in the middle of the night cos he was snoring so much. Hadn’t done it before. That night he sounded like a walrus who was dying. Tried to get back to sleep but I couldn’t so I kicked him. I got up and hit him in the shoulder. It stopped then after a long silence “What”. Eventually I got to sleep. We got up and went downstairs. There was a sign saying Help Yourself. There was a frying pan and bacon etc lying out for us to cook ourselves. I even washed up afterwards. At the ferry we weren’t sure if we were going to get on it or not.

Didn’t know whether we had to book. Really smart being on the other side of the water. I’d always seen it from Mull in the distance and wondered what it would be like- it was pretty cool to be there. We went over on the ferry. Back on Mull again really nice to be somewhere we are really familiar with. Got to Bunessan hall – it looked tiny. It was fine, like a tardis much much bigger than it actually appeared. I was in a single room for the first time ever – cracking. Struan was next door but had a kitchenette! Met Lee for the travelogue- weird! Nice to see familiar faces after all the strangeness everywhere.

The Show. Doing the show- I wasn’t having the best show. I got on and I was doing it and I was so self aware. I was aware Alasdair (Alasdair McCrone –Director) was in the audience. I was thinking lots of things like I wonder if he likes this bit or if he notices this change here …. Eventually settled into it. There was this double door at the end of the hall facing me. It was completely reflective, when I got to where is the house of Shaws I was looking at myself! Show went fine. Got ready. Saw the Northern lights. Part of set fell, buckled and broke a bit. I started packing the van but one of the trucks went in the wrong way but Northern lights got me through it.

Went to pub. Watched the footie. Devastated that Celtic lost 1-0. Celtic are my team. Andy told me he and Struan had read the review on the HI~Arts site. I know I am in it but I can’t understand that someone would review it badly like that. I guess it is someone’s taste. But even if I didn’t like the show I’d still have to praise it technically on its merit. I’ll have to read it.

Went upstairs. I was going to go to bed. I saw John Davidson going into another room – the girl’s room. I joined them and sat up talking rubbish having a couple of drinks ‘til thirty minutes to three in the morning. We went to bed in the wee hours of the morning.

Day 17/18 – Rothesay Pavilion, Isle of Bute, Thursday 23rd October

Lovely journey, quite easy. Didn’t take as long as we thought it did. Once we got the ferry across, it was straight down the road. We were miles ahead of everyone else as they had stopped in Oban. We got the ferry to Bute. I looked down to read my mag and we were there. Random crossing – build a bridge? We drove down from the north end. Got to Rothesay – Massive! A cracking place. A Fifties feel to it. Lots of the buildings with scaffolding being done up. All the houses seemed of a certain age. The Pavilion was from the Thirties. Seemed like that was when the town was prosperous.

Had the day off. We went out for lunch then back to the hotel and slept for hours. Wanted to watch the footie.Went to the pub that Fleur said everyone was meeting in, they were playing Jenga. There was no TV. We went somewhere to watch football. We eventually came back to the pub, we were starving. Struan and I and Alan McPherson happened upon this Indian place. We ordered special kebabs. They were the size of a baby, stuffed full – outrageous! Went back got suitably drunk and went home.

Next day I wasn’t feeling very well, I was aching all over. Bought some flu tablets and some Lucozade. Did the show. All enjoyed it. In a tent kinda thing, a canopy. Strange to speak in, deadened the sound. Kind of hard work. John Langford had a couple of comedy moments. 240 people, they loved it. Did the Get Out then went to the pub and went home.

Day Nineteen – Ramsay Hall, Port Ellen, Isle of Islay, Friday 24th October

Very amusing journey. Basically travelling for six hours, pretty nasty. Struan and I mapped out a route, dead easy, really simple. Drive north then turn left and round a loch. I started to read my magazine. Next time I looked up we were fifteen miles past the turning point! Oh my God! Shit. We had to catch the ferry. We turned around. We were flying. I was going off my head. Struan told me to calm down. No! No! No! Had to be there at half past. Had to go on one of those B lanes. There was one of those grass cutting vehicles, it let us by then there were road works. Beth was trying to call me on my mobile to find out where we were but it kept cutting out. I was throwing it around the van. We pummelled through and got there. I was nearly crying.

Got on that ferry and got to Campbeltown. Then down to the next ferry and had to wait ages. I sat in the van and read Lord of the Rings, got way through it. Ferry crossing was two hours long. I didn’t have any breakfast cos I slept in. Had lunch, some curry thing. Read my book. John Langford showed me the Paps of Jura. They are called that because they look like women’s breasts. So, looking at big rocky boobs. We got to our destination and we had to check into our hotel as we weren’t able to do our get in ‘til 6 o’clock! At this point I was dying, head full of the cold. We did the get in and got Alan Steele to get all his medicine from when he was ill, Vicks vapour rub, Olbas Pastels….

We did the show. Spent half the time trying not to sneeze. Really tough show to do. Sneezed twice on stage in the second half but in places I could cover it. Not very happy. Glad I got through it, so self conscious. Vocally really easy, hall helped me along. Audience loved it. Packed, people standing at the back and stuff. Really positive. Went back and went to my bed. I was feeling sorry for myself. I was snottering all over the place.

Day 20 – Public Hall, Ardrishaig, Saturday 25th October

Dead easy. Interesting day. Journey – got up, hopped on the ferry. Quite a mundane journey, nothing exciting. We went straight to our hotel in Lochgilphead. Fine, quite nice. Still dying of the cold. Trying to watch TV, it was the day that Concorde was doing its last flight but I was flicking between channels. Struan was going to the shops and stole the remote control. He’s mean. He found it very amusing.

We went to do the get in at 3 o’clock. We walked in and there was this big market. It had been double booked. People were really grumpy- a wasted afternoon. Came back about 4 o’clock and at 5 o’clock did the get in really fast and went for some food. Random girls in the front row, cheeky but nice, ran into the dressing room at the interval “Where’s the gun man? You pointed that gun at me.”

The Hall was L-shaped. Audience around the corner a wee bit. Blocked the show a little. Had cold again. I was a snotty bugger but I had it under control and could concentrate on the acting. Tripped over this lamp and tripped over my lines sounded like some kind of rap. Went really well. Got back and everyone was going out – it was Saturday. I dumped my stuff in the hotel, went to the toilet. When I came out everyone had left. I was walking around Lochgilphead by myself mobiling Struan and Beth. Went home and watched footie by myself. Struan phoned me about three hours later, no it was not long, “where are you?” But I had settled in and I needed the rest. I was watching The Omen and there were pipes banging outside my room- soooo scary…..

Day 21 – Day Off, Campbeltown, Monday 27th October

The road down to Campbeltown was really picturesque, hills, water and stuff. Really pretty. Then we came round to Campbeltown extremely urban all of a sudden. Like being in a section of Glasgow or Edinburgh out of nowhere. Got to our hotel, woman let us in early. Met up with Beth and Fleur, we decided to walk into town and get lunch. Went to McGoghans part of the same chain as the one in Tobermory. Fleur went up to order some food, asked her to order me soup of the day. Later when I asked what was the soup of the day as Fleur didn’t know. I was told it was turnip. Last thing we were expecting. Really nice. Had a wee look round town. Found the cinema, Tomb Raider was on at 8 o’clock. Wanted to see that film but I decided instead to buy Play Station 2. On my way down to Woolworth I was accosted by a gang of youths. “Do you like my Rambo Band?” they shouted after me, but I ignored them. Went to the pub hugging my play station like a baby. Struan bought some DVDs and we spent all afternoon watching them. They all went to the cinema. Struan and I got an Indian and ate it at our Hotel room. Kind of messy, no plates. Went to bed.

Day 22 – Victoria Hall, Campbeltown, Monday 28th October

Woke up. Got in and did the Get In. Quite a big place, Victoria Hall. Really “echo-ey”. I was really bunged up. Doing the sound check, face full of crap. Alan Clark has started to rehearse another show. One person short, kind of strange. Everyone has their specific jobs. Went to get some dinner, Struan and I went for a pizza and ended up with a fish supper. Did the show. For some reason 250 people turned up. Had to hold the show back for 5-10 minutes. There were queues of people waiting to get in. Could really go for it. Head was clear. Audience loved it, cheering. Vocally easy. As soon as the audience got in the vocal quality of the hall changed. Went more “echo-ey” but filled the space. We all went to the pub afterwards. Beer tasted so good. Struan and I wanted to get a kebab but couldn’t and ate crisps instead. Struan and I went home. Nothing much happens after the show – we have a drink and go home.

Day 23 – Gibson Hall, Garelochhead, Tuesday 28th October

Quite nice day. Road like a roller coaster but times five. My stomach was moving so much had to go to the toilet, so bumpy. Struan and I questioned going straight to Helensburgh as we couldn’t check into our guesthouse until later. Came past Rhu best name of place thought when Struan said it he was saying Roo as in Kangaroo. Went to Ardencaple Hotel had lunch. Fleur, Beth, Struan and I got there earlier than the rest so we left earlier to do the get in. Slapstick day. On way to hall the van door swung open and something fell out. Had to run into the middle of the road to pick it up, cars swerving. Then we saw this guy on a bicycle going along this path, randomly fell off. Drove past the hall several times before we found it. Did the get in some issues re exits but we sorted it. Went to Ardencaple Hotel for dinner, had a steak-cracking. There was a hot barmaid, knew she was hot but not in a bad way. Really loud. Oh my God! strong woman. We turned into boys. Struan ordered a normal burger; it was the biggest thing you’ve ever seen in your life. We checked in, but we were separated. Two different places, Struan and I, Fleur and Beth in one place.

We did the show. They loved it from the first. Eighty to ninety people crammed in. Laughing all the way through. Applauding after Alan’s song. Young and old love it, it is a universal show.

At get out Ryan (filmmaker) was there to help. Told him we all have our specific jobs. With in five mins he dropped a bit of wood on my back. We carried on. I have to go under the bunk to undo bolts. I sneezed, head went forward and I banged my head. Beth laughed. Loading van was weird, the van was on a slight angle but sideways. The width of the van on an angle. While we were packing, had to have two people holding up the pack. Ryan and his friend Colin took us to a pub in Helensburgh, Buddha. Alan McPherson and Struan hit their heads on low hanging lamps. We all went home. Struan and I whipped out Playstation 2. Going to watch Nightmare in Elm Street. Fleur and Beth joined us. I fell asleep.

Day 24 – Cumbernauld Theatre, Wednesday 29th October

Went to Glasgow first. We had to follow Lindsey (Deputy Stage Manager) in the people carrier. She was the only person who knew the way to where we were staying, The Holiday Inn. Only four of us staying in the Hotel all the rest staying at home. There were road works and an accident and we all got split up, caught up and had to wait for the others. Got to Glasgow went around in a circle, couldn’t get parked. Parked the Luton and Mull Theatre van on hill so steep, outrageous. Hotel quite impersonal. Went to Weatherspoons, had a plate of Nachos – cracking! Then we had to go to Cumbernauld. We were really nervous about starting these vans. Going to have to do this mental hill start. Had about five attempts, eventually got there. Drove to Cumbersnecky (John Langford calls it that). Got to the Theatre. So nice, a proper theatre. The audience in a horseshoe around you, Kidnapped is a front on show. Easy get in. Van on hill, had to hold things back while we got things out of it. Some of us went into Cumbernauld town Centre. Random thing, had to park on a roof then got down to the shops, very American. Wandered around the shops. Struan went into an arcade and played slot machines. I am not gambling type, had a go, won £4 then lost. Decided to go back to Cumbernauld Village for some food. I couldn’t manage lunch. I have lost my appetite since I had this cold. Had to walk back to the theatre. Followed these signs but signs are for cars. Went in this huge circle, got lost. Saw this big car crash but no one was hurt, so kind of ok but nasty. We were trying to walk along the same lane as the police were redirecting the traffic. Got there.

Got costumes on and said hello to Andy Clark. Very, very full, pretty much sold out. Lot of kids laughing at random stuff. Audience enjoyed it. During show I couldn’t speak. I was speaking too fast, verbal diarrhoea.

Getting changed, knock on the door. My mate from Uni, Kevin and another friend. So cool, really nice to see them. They enjoyed the show and stuff. Did the get out. Went back to our hotel and had some drinks. We went to our beds.

Day 25 – Musselburgh, The Brunton Theatre. Thurs 30th October

Struan had to get up dead early to put a ticket on the van. So I woke up and then went back to sleep. I slept in for my audition for Taggart. Audition at quarter to twelve. Woke up at ten past ten. Jumped in the shower, nearly knocked me over, ripping my face off – outrageous! Got lost a little trying to find the building. Then someone told me it was right in front of me. Did audition, quite strange, we’ll find out later. Got out at quarter past eleven. I wondered if they were still at hotel. Ran back and caught up with Struan. The others had to go back to Cumbernauld to pick up Random Dave’s phone. Struan and I were going straight to Edinburgh. We’d never been in a car in Glasgow before, to our credit we got out immediately. We are soooooo good.

When I got in the van, Alan Steele had left three Lord of the Ring books, companions to the film. He had also left a Jesus Christ Super Star tape, which I had wanted to hear. Listened to it full blast. Came across the bypass. We didn’t know were we were going. Got there.

Really nice Building (The Brunton). Parked. Went to a pub to have lunch with some of the others. Had a mixed grill – it was lovely. Did the get in, dead easy, fine. Did it ok. Went back to Edinburgh where we were staying. As soon as we came in I felt so… You know when you fall in love with a place. I have to move here. I didn’t realise how much I missed it. Went back to do the show. Went in the foyer. Couldn’t get into the theatre section, it was kind of locked. Told to hang on. Realised they might not know I was cast. It was almost the half. I was let through.

Did the show. My agent was in. Went well. She really enjoyed it. It was weird the sound was really muffled. No idea how many in. The sound just died, made the show seem really de-energised. The audience really enjoyed it though. Really excited ‘cos we didn’t have to do the get out. Manager really loved it and put some wine in the bar for us. Went back into the centre of Edinburgh and met my mates. After, trundled down to The Liquid Room to meet Struan. Later, I left. I was trying my d*@%est to find food. Got home, called Struan. He came back with a couple of pot noodles and some Pringles and a Dairylee Lunchable. We randomly met Beth in the corridor and went back to her room were we met up with John Davidson and Lindsey. I decided I was going to my room, had my pot noodle and fell into my bed.

Day 26 – Musselburgh, The Brunton. Friday 31st October

Huge journey, two mins. Don’t think we’ll ever get a shorter journey. Got to Hotel about 12.30pm. Hotel was fantastic. Fancy – cracking. I went to see Suzy, haven’t seen her for a month. We went for lunch then went to our old drama school. Met up with everyone. Really nice, really cool. They were doing a technical rehearsal. I asked Suzy seeing that she was here, to help me buy some clothes. I’m useless, can’t dress myself. Went into Top Man, bought a pair of shoes, trousers, three tops, a belt and leather thingy for my wrist. Spent £160, quite nice. Just wandered about a bit. Went to a bar, Sportsters. I’ve never been in, brilliant. Hundreds of televisions, internet. There were little booths with computer games and computer screens. Went to the toilet, above the trough there were loads of TV screens to watch while you were…busy. Saw Suzy to train station. Really nice day. I went back to the Hotel. We left to go to the show. I had only had lunch. Got to Musselburgh kind of starving, bought a bottle of wine. Did the show. Much more full. Really good show, well energised. That was quality. Went up to the bar. Bugged them all to go ‘cos I was invited to a Tallaween party (friend called Talla). When I got there I couldn’t remember which flat no., so rang random door. Got in. You could tell immediately where the party was. Went to the door. Random girl ushered me in. Met up with all my old cinema chums. Really smart. Had to go and buy a cracking pizza half way through. The guy in the Kebab shop recognised me, even though I have been away for four months! Wandered home. Came in, Struan was passed out, tried to be quiet. Aware I had to be up early next morning.

Day 27 – Musselburgh, The Brunton. Saturday1st Nov

My alarm went off. Got up, managed to switch it off. Feeling sorry for Struan, waking him up so early. Had two cups of juice. Staggered to shower. But it was ok, Struan had a meeting. Quite a nice shower. Flowed really really fast, not in a powerful way, like a waterfall. Really nice. Put my dirty laundry in a bag to take home to my mum. Wore my new clothes, looked really smart. I ran down to the station. Got in, bought my tickets. Arranged with Fleur to get back as my return train was getting me in fifteen minutes later than I was hoping. Got on train, had a great time reading Lord of the Rings. My mum said my dad was picking me up at the station. My dad was shocked at how long my hair is. He took me to Perth Theatre. I went up to the stage door. I know the code to get in, but I buzzed. No one came, so I quickly put in the number and went in. As I walked around the backstage area I noticed that Dorothy Paul was using my dressing room. I picked up the programmes and ran away. My dad was my getaway car. I went home. So there was my mum. Just done up the bathroom, so I went upstairs to see the toilet. Asked my dad how he was. My brother was in bed, he’s nineteen. We were both feeling a bit rough. We were chatting. The football was on that afternoon. My mum had apparently said to my dad “David is coming home we could have a fry up?” So we all watched the footie and mum brought us through breakie- it was cracking. I was relaxed.

Went on the internet, looked at my Travelogue. 101 emails, all of them absolute spam. If people want to contact me re my Travelogue my email is chuffbum@yahoo.com . It’s my professional email on my CV! You’re not going to forget are you? Had to go back to the train station. Got a taxi down. The taxi driver was a Rangers fan and was listening to the game on the radio. He asked me who I support and when I told him he stopped the car, we both laughed. He made a few non pc comments about one of the Celtic players. If I wasn’t in a hurry I probably would have got out. Got the train. I passed out. Woke up dribbling, holding onto Lord of the Rings. I was in a complete blease. Train came into Waverley, couldn’t find a platform, already five minutes late. Ran up the steps with box of programmes and my big holdall. Fleur was there sitting in a new Luton. The other one couldn’t be repaired in time. Again didn’t have time to get dinner. Managed a tuna fish sandwich. We did the show. It was the best one we’d done at The Brunton so far. Really enjoyed it. Had a good time. At the end, it dawned on us that we’d have to do the get out. I was in my new clothes, so I had borrowed a pair of my brother’s tracky bottoms. I was wearing them, a random t-shirt and my new brown shoes. The new van was five inches shorter but everything got in fine. But when I jumped to get out of the van my arms got caught. I ended up jamming both my shoulders, agony.

We went back to Edinburgh. Struan and I went back to the hotel. The rest of them were going to this place to drink but we couldn’t be bothered. There was this comedy singer in the hotel bar. It wasn’t my kind of thing, not in the mood for it. I went upstairs and played my computer for a wee bit. Struan came up and put on an old Christopher Lambert film – Fortress. We both fell asleep.

Day 28 – Day Off. Sunday 2nd November

We had to be out of our hotel by twelve o’clock. Furiously packing. I slept in as I always do. Struan and I decided to go for lunch at Sportsters, Fleur and Beth arrived as well. I had the House Burger – 12oz burger with bacon, cheese and caramelised onions on this huge plate with thin cut chips and salad. They had a playstation at the booth we were at. It was a noisy place, new waitress. She had lost her voice, felt sorry for her. Got in van, mapped out hellish journey. Had to go round by Stirling, up round Crianlarich, up to Fort William and then up to Mallaig. Took 5/6hrs pure driving. Before we left, Struan had bought some CDs for the van, REM and Greece the Motion Picture. I had bought The Best of The Eagles – it was quality. The most amazing drive ever. It was raining really heavily. Going up through Glen Coe, was so stereotypically Scottish landscape. We were driving in this valley between the mountains. There were little houses at the foot of the hills and water streaming down. It was absolutely beautiful. I was thinking about geographical rock formations and glacial landscapes. Kept thinking back to my school geography teacher. Eventually got to our Hotel. It was getting pretty dark. Checked in, it was 6 o’clock. Went up to a hotel restaurant. We had scampi and stuff and a lovely meringue nest for pudding. Beth and I shared a bottle of wine. I decided to go back to my hotel. Played my computer all night. Watched Rosemary’s Baby. I hate Mia Farrow. Not a good start. It was the most bizarre movie I have ever seen. The neighbours are the best characters I have ever seen. Ambiguous ending, not happy about that at all. We went to sleep.

Day 29 – Community Hall, Mallaig, Monday 3rd November

I was having a nice lie in when I was rudely awakened by Lee who wanted to collect my Travelogue. Woke up in the middle of the night and Struan wasn’t there, I was confused. Wasn’t until later I found out he’d gone for breakfast. Got up had a shower, very nice. Got breakfast and went to do the Get In. Unfortunately it was raining. I had to put my Beanie on, very fetching, shows off my big nose. Dead easy Get In, two doors, so we managed to unload both vans at the same time. Got in, vocally the place not too much of a challenge. That was cool. Struan and I were wandering around looking for something to eat. Found a place, it was cracking, and waitresses were very attractive. Fleur and Beth caught up with us, had fish suppers for lunch.Went back to the hotel. Played football on the computer. John Langford wanted to see my computer. He got royally humped cos I’m sooooo good. We went to get dinner. We couldn’t find anywhere, so we went back to the same place we had lunch. Had this fantastic steak. It cost £15. A fillet steak with haggis on top and creamy mushroom sauce. Best steak I’ve ever had, totally worth the money.

Went to do the show. Doing my warm up blah, blah, blah…. Started doing the scene. Again there were reflective doors all along the back wall. I could see myself reflected back. I positioned myself so that I was always on a doorframe and couldn’t see myself. This was a very interesting show. There were these kids in the front row. They were quite well behaved for the first act but in the second act they were talking normal child talking volume. They were really distracting, we all had to talk over them. Eventually when Alan Steele was on for his Ebenezer scene, in character he said “What’s that noise?” directly to the kids. He had to do something, did it really cleverly. We did the show. The audience loved it .

Then we went to a bar (at the restaurant we went to on Sunday). They had a pool table. The beer was flowing. We toddled on home. I played football on my computer and I went to bed.

Day 30 – Sabhal Mor Ostaig, Isle of Skye, Tuesday 4th November

Very funny bizarre day. Struan and I slept in! We had to get the ferry. We had decided to set the alarm for 7.30am. We were going to do the Get In when we got there. We woke at five to eight. We managed to get packed. The ferry didn’t leave till 8.40am. It was now five past eight. Struan had taken the van to the ferry port. The wind was going wild. I’m walking down this road with all my bags. I met Alan McPherson , “Where is the ferry?”. It was all very stressed. I tried to put my things into the van but the wind was blowing the door shut. So I’m trying to fight against the door and the wind. Got in the van and when I looked forward at the Luton, in front of us, it was rocking from side to side, fully loaded. We got onto the ferry. The sea was sooo rough. Lindsey threw up. Got there. Got lost. Got there. I totally realised that we were at a Gaelic college. People were going to know if we were saying things right in the play. Did the Get In. The Wind was blowing the flats all over the place. We went to our rooms. Our rooms were actually the halls of residence. They run it as a mini guest house- it was quality. It was this round tower, six storeys high. The rooms were segments of the tower. Each one was cracking with a lovely shower. Went for lunch, had a shower. Read Lord of the Rings and passed out for ages. I was really tired. So I kind of came to from my sleep. It was ten past five. As far as I was concerned dinner was half past five till half past six. So I’m sitting in my room thinking I’ll go down in about quarter of an hour. I got a call from Lindsey, “If you want to get dinner you have five minutes”. We both pummelled down to the kitchen. I had fish pie, which they supplied for us. Went to do the show, Alan Steele has the cold again. I had to run back for his Vicks Vapour Rub. I gave him my Beechams Powders ‘cos I’m that sort of guy.

So the first line of the entire show, I mucked up. I came on slightly too fast. The show starts with Alan Brecks’ voice in a recording – “David Balfour of Shaws” is said five times, the music stops and I come in with my line. But because I was early I miscounted and chopped the David Balfour off the beginning of my line. A very different beginning to the play. I thought from that moment on it was going to be horrible but it was a really good show. Really energised. But when it came to a third of the way through the play, the characters started to speak Gaelic. I was totally aware of how nervous people were. I wanted to laugh especially at the Hector scene. I was really aware the audience knew exactly what we were saying. At the Interval this guy brought us some tea. I joked “A beer would be nice”, turns out that wine and beer had been left for us for after the show! Everyone was sitting in this little room. Lindsey and I play fought. She got the better of me, I have a bad shoulder at the moment. Then John Langford started beating me up. It was John Langford’s birthday. We got him a Cd and a card. When we did our bows the audience were going wild. Will we go on for a third bow? They kept clapping and clapping. Then we went up to the fifth floor with our beer and wine etc and watched football highlights. I had my first ever Murphys, it was really nice. So we watched the football blah, blah, blah….I stayed up til two o’clock reading Lord of the Rings. Then I went to bed.

Day 31 – Community Hall, Nethy Bridge, 5 November

Yeah, Skye to Nethy Bridge a journey and a half. We went up, it was really, really windy again. Fleur was not sure whether we were able to go over Skye Bridge. Before we started I had some milk and two glasses of orange juice. I didn’t have time to get breakfast. So we travelled on, journey fine. Weather picked up, not as windy. Struan and I ended up getting to Nethy Bridge before everyone else. We weren’t sure where we were staying. I telephoned Fleur, she didn’t know either. Phoned Alasdair, he couldn’t fathom why we didn’t know. Lesley called, we were staying in Aviemore. We’d already passed it. Called Fleur, so she checked in. Then called Lindsey, but she was already in Nethy Bridge. Went to a hotel, we had a long lunch hour, one and a half hours. Struan and I went to have a game of pool. As we went through realised there were two full-sized snooker tables so we thought we’d get in. We decided to have a game of snooker. Then I figured out how strikingly awful I was.

John Langford came through and he actually was very good. Made us look complete *&sh. Then we had our lunch. I had this really thick Scotch Broth and Garlic Mushrooms. I was eating that away but I couldn’t finish the broth it was too much. I went instead to play snooker again. We finished the game. John Langford trashed Struan. In fairness Struan got much, much better almost like Steven Hendry but with better skin. We went to do the get in. As I got there I was informed that one of the waiters had gone up to Lindsey and asked if the young lady had finished with her broth. Its obvious now that my hair is outrageous and my girlie shoulders are really letting me down. At the get in I wasn’t supposed to be lifting any of the heavy flats ‘cos I hurt my shoulder. I ended up carrying three of the heaviest, my own fault. But as I was lifting one of the flats, one of them caught my hand and cut me in the middle of my palm, which I have to say is bloody sore. I was moaning to John Langford it looked like the Stigmata. Then I ended up slapping my funny bone. Then we all went to Aviemore to where we were staying, well nice.

We settled in then we went down to the bar/restaurant to get some dinner, quality food. I had this thing it was called Boombangabanger. Basically, bangers and mash. I decided it was in my best interest to have vanilla cheesecake and cream. So then we went off to go back to Nethy Bridge to do the show, got there just in time. We got in, got dressed. It was quite busy. A hundred in this tiny little place. We started doing the show. As soon as started the show they were loving it. They pretty much got every joke in the entire show – that had never happened before. It was a standing ovation, cracking. Girls at the end wanted our autographs. Dead easy get out except I cut my thumb. I was pummelling myself. I pulled out my shoulder again. Then we hopped in the van to go back to Aviemore. Struan put on his Greece the Motion Picture Cd. When it got to Hopelessly Devoted to You, we called Beth and played and screamed the song . We hung up as soon as the song finished. Got to Hotel. I was desperate to see the football, it was a Celtic game and I’m a Celtic fan. Went upstairs and watched the footie. Struan came up and Alan McPerson. Then he went off and we went to sleep.

Day 32 – Ballachulish Village Hall, Thursday 6th October

Quite an easy journey. Went through Fort William. We decided it was a very easy journey. Got on the A9 to Fort William. We got there in a couple of hours. For some reason the other guys went to Inverness which takes ages more. But they were only half an hour behind us, as they were in the faster van. Pulled into Ballachulish. It is absolutely beautiful. Really lovely setting amongst the mountains and stuff. We were early. We went to the pub just around the corner. We had our food there. The others turned up eventually and we went to do the Get In. Now, my shoulders were really playing up so I didn’t carry much in. We had to set up a rail in the open Kitchen thing behind the stage- it was cool. We went to find our digs.

Actually we were staying in Glencoe which is a ten minute drive down the road. Fleur told us it was through the Glencoe Village. So Struan and I went through the village and couldn’t see it.We turned round and drove right down. Then we got lost again. Called her, had to go two miles past the village. Basically at the end of this road are these chalets at the foot of these mountains, fantastic, sooo beautiful. I saw Beth, Fleur and Lindsey were staying there. They were in the foyer. Went to open the door -the handle was an ice pick! So I opened the door going “Wow” and making loads of noise. They told me to shut up. I didn’t realise they were in the middle of this conversation. So we got our room. We went into it. For some reason the wall sockets weren’t working at all. We told them. We went back and said wouldn’t it be great if we were upgraded. Five mins later, I’m sitting in my room and let out a massive fart and Struan says the guy is going to come back in a minute! We were really tired, we started laughing. I pulled a muscle inside my ribs. Sooo sore. We went to the bar to get food. Really lovely old-style country bar and had a really big pool table. We ordered food. The girls arrived. We all sat down, playing pool, having a laugh. One of the waitresses was an ex stage manager for Mull theatre! (Zoë). We decided it was time to go. Went to the venue, did the show. Started the show. Got to the bit where I climb the steps. To do that two of the big trucks move to the side. But when Andy and Beth moved their truck, they moved theirs into a wall light. There was this big crash, absolutely trashed it. At half time Beth apologised to the guy (Brian Dickie). But he said it was ok.

Seemingly we are not the first. So that made for an interesting show. Went really well. They really enjoyed it; it was a good fun show. We kind of relaxed after the wall light trashing..We did the Get Out. We couldn’t find the van keys. We rang Random Dave, he had them. He was at the pub, so he ran back and then we all went to the pub. When we got there, the MTV music awards were on. Struan and I dribbled over Christina A, her costumes and stuff. At one point, Avid Merrion from Bo Selectar came on as Michael Jackson. It was the funniest thing I’d ever seen. I was laughing so hard I felt my throat was going to come out of my mouth. Eventually the pub closed. So we all had to leave and go back to our chalets and go to bed.

Day 33 – Corran Halls, Oban, Friday 7th November

Before we left to go to Oban, I lifted up my suitcase to put it into the van and completely trashed my shoulder. Went to Oban. It was the easiest drive in the world. Really smart, we went over the Connel Bridge. I’d never been over it. I’d always wondered what was over there, as I travelled under it, in the past on my way to Perth. So we got to Oban and Struan and I got there before everyone. We went into the Corran Halls, it was massive. I thought there‘s no way I’m going to fill this with my voice.

Struan and I went to have a wander, we went to Woolworth. Struan bought Fleur a present. He got her this Incredible Hulk suit- sooo smart. You put it on and it pumps up, it’s so cool. So your muscles get bigger. He bought a card that you speak into and leave your own message, so we did that. Got into the Hotel and into our room. It was really nice. We decided to go for lunch. So we went to Mondos. I had a burger, it was fantastic. And then we went back to the Hotel, chilled out. Then we went to do the Get In. They were all quite excited ‘cos it was the last ever Get In we had to do. It ended up being the longest ‘cos although the stage was tall enough there was a lighting rig that was already on the stage that was too low and had to be taken down. When we were doing the Get In I couldn’t carry anything.

Went back to the Hotel then went to dinner at Mondos again. Then we went to do the show. We got in, I was getting ready and I went to turn my mobile phone off. I discovered I didn’t have my mobile phone. I’d left it at the restaurant. I thought I really needed my mobile phone. We’d just had the fifteen min call which means I had about twenty mins ’til show started. So I ran to the restaurant, got my phone, ran back. Got in five mins before we were doing the start. Got my costume on, I was hyperventilating, I couldn’t breath. So I managed to go straight on stage. It wasn’t the way you want to start a show! So I got on with the show. It was really weird; the audience were so far away. It felt like they weren’t there. It was really strange. In the Blind Catechist scene I had to jump up onto this truck. As I jumped, I totally pulled out my shoulder. It was really sore. I finished off that act with a really sore arm. At Interval, I had to stop and lean against a wall, I was in complete pain. I couldn’t move my arm properly. I needed my arm for the second act. Fleur gave me a massage. The sprain had gone from my neck to my left bicep. Completely rock hard, tight. It was ok for the second act. We finished the show, went fine. Once we finished a guy, MSP Jamie McGregor (Culture and Sport) came to see us. He loved the show, thought it was great.

Then we decided to go to the pub. In our second pub, there were these two weird guys being disrespectful to Beth and commenting on Fleur’s hair. I had a staring competition with them. Ended up at a third pub which opened quite late dancing to rubbish music, having a cool time. We were walking home when we met two girls from Lochgilphead. John Davidson asked them to come back to the Hotel for a drink. But they had to get their taxi back, it cost £40! Went back to the Hotel bar and then I went to my bed and passed out. Struan came to bed later, felt unwell.

Day 34 – Corran Halls, Oban, Saturday 8th November

Even though I went to bed at 3 o’clock in the morning the night before, I thought I’d have a nice lie in. However, Struan left the TV on all night again so I was awoken at 9.30am by T4. I couldn’t get back to sleep, so sat up and watched TV and read Lord of the Rings for a good while. Then we headed down to the bar in the hotel to meet with Lesley (Administrator), to sort out some boring money stuff. Then myself, Fleur and Ryan went to find somewhere to eat. Beth called Fleur and said she was in Mondos. So we went to Mondos and couldn’t get served, it was sooo busy. No waitresses or waiters came up to our table. We went to another café but it was completely heaving. We were all walking the streets of Oban utterly starving and a lot worse for wear from the night before. Eventually we went to the Oban Inn, which had the cheapest food I’ve ever seen. I had a cracking chilli, it was just so dirt cheap.

During the course of lunch my phone kept ringing and ringing ( including annoying people about Travelogues!). My phone is really loud so eventually I said I had to leave. I left the pub. I was speaking to Suzi, as I walked to Woolworth to find wrapping paper for Struan. So I got that and headed back to the Hotel. Struan wrapped up Fleur’s present. We just hung around for a while then Struan had to leave early to set up for the show. So I just sat myself and read Lord of the Rings – a very boring day. Then I got up to go and get some dinner. On my way I bumped into Alasdair and Ryan in their car. I hadn’t seen Alasdair for ages. So I got a smoked sausage supper from the award winning chippie. I’d already ordered before I realised they’d won an award for their fish but it was too late to have some fishy delights.

Got in to do the show. Didn’t feel quite right. Didn’t feel warmed up enough to do the show, which proved true when I buggered up almost immediately. So I carried on, the first half was a bit shaky for me but the second act picked up and went really well. There was a rogue cameraman in the audience with a flash that kept going off all the time, putting us off. PEOPLE MUST NOT BRING CAMERAS TO THE THEATRE! The audiences loved it, they were really going wild. Some crazy lady in the front row was banging her feet (Lee). We could have had three curtain calls but some people were already back in their dressing room and it was too late. We all had drinks in the Studio Café bar and reminisced as I read out my Travelogue this far from Random Dave’s internet phone (first time we’d thought of doing that!). Everyone went off to another pub. Struan and I went back to get some food ‘cos we were really tired. The place they were all going was too busy. We ended up just buying crisps and nuts from the bar in the Hotel and going to our room. Which has to be the biggest anti – climax in the history of touring. And they all lived happily ever after……

Kidnapped was performed at the following Highland venues during 2003:

Town Hall, Inverurie, Tuesday 7 October 2003
Town Hall, Elgin, Wednesday 8 October 2003
McPhail Centre, Ullapool, Monday 13 October 2003
Village Hall, Lochinver, Tuesday 14 October 2003
Lyth Arts Centre-in-Exile, Ross Institute, Hallkirk, Wednesday 15 October 2003
Village Hall, Durness, Thursday 16 October 2003
Carnegie Hall, Clashmore, Friday 17 October 2003
Ardross Hall, Saturday 18 October 2003
Arainn Shuaineirt, Strontian, Monday 20 October 2003
Bunessan Hall, Isle of Mull, Tuesday 21 October 2003
Pavilion, Rothesay, Isle of Bute, Thursday 23 October 2003
 Ramsay Hall, Port Ellen, Isle of Islay, Friday 24 October 2003
Public Hall, Ardrishaig, Saturday 25 October 2003
Victoria Halls, Campbeltown, Monday 27 October 2003
Gibson Hall, Garelochhead, Tuesday 28 October 2003
Community Hall, Mallaig, Monday 3 November 2003
Sabhal Mòr Ostaig, Isle of Skye, Tuesday 4 November 2003
Community Hall, Nethy Bridge, Wednesday 5 November 2003
 Village Hall, Ballachulish, Thursday 6 November 2003
Corran Halls, Oban, Friday 7-Saturday 8 November 2003