Eden Court Theatre, Inverness, Friday 3 December 2004

Graham Crammond (left) and Robert Read as Britney and Jordan the Ugly Sisters

LET’S GET one thing straight, I’m not a pantomime sort of person.  I’m your eyeliner-wearing, Sex Pistols-loving, still-getting-over-Kurt’s-death kinda Punk.

So dread fills me as I wait for the …show to begin.  I eye with panic the swarms of Brownies giggling, the bizarre glow stick things, spontaneous Mexican wave, the crew from Alness Academy going crazy (bless, they don’t get out much) and, worst of all, Slade blaring across Eden Court’s auditorium.  Oh man…

So the show begins and the lights have a sort of glitterball effect, the kids gasp.  And it’s nice, don’t laugh!  So the brightly lit, multicoloured, exaggerated (yet great) acting and full volume sugar rush bubble gum pop fest begins and everyone is happy. Is that too simplistic?

Good, because that’s what Panto is.  Twenty minutes in and we have our first bit of serious cheese when the Prince lapses into a Disney-esque monologue on the morality of rich and poor.  Twenty-five minutes in and we back into slapstick with the ugly sisters wrestling each other over who will get the prince, no one cares about the cheese, we are all toddlers on E-numbers.  When the props go wrong, it all adds to the fun.

Lee Scott as Prince Charming and Nicola Daley as the (ironically) squeaky clean Cinderella are excellent, but it’s David MacAlinden – who is as hyper as the kids watching him – who really shines as the servant Buttons.

“The sets are amazing, costumes fabulously tacky, and there are enough explosions to keep Granddad awake.”

By now we are over half way through and I’m okay.  It’s …good, I admit it.  I’m laughing at the gags, partly due to so-bad-it’s-funny but also because it appeals to my inner naughty five year old.

So here’s the ultimate question:  Have you ever caught one of the sweets they throw at Pantomime?   If not I feel your pain, if you have, I’m too jealous to care.

The sets are amazing, costumes fabulously tacky, and there are enough explosions to keep Granddad awake.  Then there’s the sing along at the end.  I don’t participate, everyone else does.  You’re right, I’ve too much self-respect for my own good. And then it ends, it’s shattering as we come down for the high, I’m gutted, I mean it.

So here goes (deep breath)…I loved it. Okay? I really did and I’d go again, I admit it.  This is full fat, high sugar, high cheese Panto, just as it should be.  And you never know, I might sing next time….

Cinderella is at the Eden Court Theatre (01463 234234) until 8 January 2005.

© Catriona Burns, 2004