AS ONE half of a hot new Californian rap act based in London, Silibil’N’Brains, Brains McLeod appeared to have it all, tearing through huge advances in a blizzard of excess, partying with some of the biggest stars on the planet, including Madonna and Eminem, supporting hip hop royalty and enjoying the backing of a major record label.

There were, however, some huge problems: his real name was Gavin Bain, he was from Dundee, had never even set foot on American soil, and the emotional weight of maintaining this ever escalating snowball of deceit, would eventually tear his life to pieces.

Gavin Bain holds a copy of California Schemin'

Decca Aitkenhead’s Guardian article in 2008 brought this extraordinary story to a wider audience, and Bain eventually released his explosive account of the con and its consequences, California Schemin’, earlier this year to a flurry of high profile endorsements.

Irvine Welsh described the book as “one of the most amazing, high octane, hedonistic morality tales of our time”, and was confirmed on board to write the screenplay long before the book was released, while Alan McGee called it a “Robin Hood for the 21^st Century” and claimed it would “sit alongside all the great rock’n’roll stories in history”.

I meet Bain in Inverness, mid-tour with his current band, Hopeless Heroic. After a hectic day of book signings and acoustic performances in Dundee, the band are late arriving in town and he is slightly concerned about the condition of his voice following the previous night’s show and his adventures this afternoon; despite this, he is excited to be this far north and appears keen to reminisce about our last meeting at an industry event just prior to the books release.

Gavin Bain's current band, Hopeless Heroic

I remind him about his animated and rather cutting keynote response to the series of industry panels I observed him uncomfortably watching throughout the day, and enquire as to whether his opinion has softened since then.

GAVIN BAIN: Absolutely not. If anything, I’ve probably become a little more irate. I guess I was perhaps especially animated by that point because I’d sat and listened to half a dozen industry panels where there was, to be quite honest, a lot of lying going on.

I mean, that morning, I listened to all these booking agents and representatives from major festivals sitting there saying, “Yeah, send us your demo, we’ll get you on”, and that’s just not how it works. But having said that, a lot of good things have come directly from that event and I made some really strong connections there.

I think I still certainly work off extremes, and if I’m totally honest, fear still drives me and I sort of accept that it always will

ALEXANDER SMITH: I was reading the book again through the week, and the emotional condition you describe is pretty bleak. You seem really happy now – is that testament to the therapeutic value of the writing process?

GAVIN BAIN: Well, the process of re-living that period certainly took its toll, and for pretty much the entire year and a half to two years of writing, I was a real mess. It wasn’t really until I felt it was complete and the final draft had been accepted that I felt any real relief.

ALEXANDER SMITH: What was your emotional reaction when you knew the book was completed?

GAVIN BAIN: I really don’t want to be airy fairy about this, but it honestly felt like a whole lifetime of weight had been lifted off my shoulders; and it really didn’t matter if there was any money there, or what was going to happen with it, the pure accomplishment was an elating experience, and I went straight outside and cut the grass.

ALEXANDER SMITH: Cut the grass?

GAVIN BAIN: Yeah, the whole time I was writing, I was sitting there watching it grow, so by the end of the process, it was just ridiculously long. I didn’t even go to sleep man, I just went straight out and started cutting. It was four in the morning, all the neighbours were looking out, and I was like, hey, I’ve finished my book, this grass is getting cut and that’s that.

ALEXANDER SMITH: What about the period just before you started writing, was there a lot of procrastination and internal conflict?

GAVIN BAIN: Yeah, for sure. I mean, for so long, I just didn’t want to talk about it at all. So it definitely took a lot of me convincing me and staring at a blank screen.

ALEXANDER SMITH: Fear is a really strong theme throughout the book, and really allows for deeper identification and engagement whether you are interested in the music industry or not. Is that still a personal driver?

GAVIN BAIN: Totally, yeah. I think I still certainly work off extremes, and if I’m totally honest, fear still drives me and I sort of accept that it always will.

ALEXANDER SMITH: What are some of those fears today, Gavin?

GAVIN BAIN: Well, I guess not being relevant is one if I’m honest, and not getting enough done.

ALEXANDER SMITH: How do those fears manifest physically in your life today?

GAVIN BAIN: They really make me want to lift up the level and get things done I guess. But I go crazy like that, you know, I still work manically and go without sleep for two or three days, then sleep for a whole day, just staying awake, getting things done.

ALEXANDER SMITH: So, you’re still plagued with bouts of insomnia?

GAVIN BAIN: Yeah, but instead of beating myself up about it, I just give myself a break and look at everything that’s been achieved during those periods, so my reaction to it has changed I guess.

Silibil N' Brains on the street

ALEXANDER SMITH: There are a number of themes running through the book which act to elevate it above a simple con-and-consequence morality tale, or a done to death industry expose along the lines of [John Niven’s novel] Kill Your Friends.

GAVIN BAIN: Yeah, and I think people who were around at the time expected me to really go at Sony and attack the industry, but I never wanted to do that. I mean, you’re right, things like Kill Your Friends have tackled all that, and I don’t think you’re really shocking people by saying, ‘hey, the industry is crazy’, I mean, we all know that.

I wanted to write about two boys, a close friendship, a deep love of music, fear – those were the themes. But on another level, I guess I really wanted to help myself, and I knew I just had to get it all out. I really wanted to write about a character that was simultaneously terrified of failure and utterly incapable of seeing what he had achieved.

To me now, that’s crazy, I think, man, where was my head then, how could I not see what we were achieving? But I was completely incapable of happiness. All I see looking back on that now is someone on a path of pure insanity. But when I was writing the book, I interviewed a lot of people who were around at the time, and something which was echoed by most of them was, I was just never happy.

You know, I could play a great show at a great venue, and have a problem with it the next day, it’s crazy. I would always focus on what the experience wasn’t. But how could I really enjoy it fully given the circumstances, you know what I mean?

ALEXANDER SMITH: I heard you came quite close to scrapping the project – did you ever feel like it wouldn’t get finished at all?

GAVIN BAIN: Yeah for sure, for sure. I honestly thought at one point that there was no way I was going to finish it, I had a complete breakdown and really had to sit down and re-evaluate my purpose and readdress the whole point.

ALEXANDER SMITH: What clarity did you get from that evaluation; did your primary motivation for writing the book become explicit?

GAVIN BAIN: Well, it just became really clear that I had to do this and that writing this book, on a personal level, would allow everything to make sense, I mean, it really became as simple as that.

Gavin Bain sans facial hair

ALEXANDER SMITH: What about the future plans for ‘California Schemin’ and Irvine Welsh’s screenplay; is that finished now, and if so, have you read it yet?

GAVIN BAIN: Yeah, he’s finished it now, it’s all there. He wrote it with Dean Cavanagh. I have read it, yeah, and it’s absolutely lightening, really funny. It’s definitely me for sure, but there is also a lot of him in there, it’s just great.

ALEXANDER SMITH: Did you work closely with him on the screenplay?

GAVIN BAIN: I did, mainly just answering questions and going through footage of me rapping to try and get the character and the two different accents nailed down. Me, Irvine and Dean remained in constant contact and would meet up whenever they were in town, so that was great.

ALEXANDER SMITH: What’s the real story behind Irvine Welsh getting involved?

GAVIN BAIN: Well, it’s a strange story, I guess. There was a lot of interest in turning the book into a film, interest from all over the world, especially from America; and most of the interested parties talked about getting Irvine on board. To cut a long story short however, he saw the Guardian feature and was just waiting for the call. I mean, it was always pretty obvious who would write the screenplay.

ALEXANDER SMITH: So, is there any time frame there?

GAVIN BAIN: Well, we are aiming to get everybody on board by the middle of next year, so we will have a clearer idea by then.

ALEXANDER SMITH: I heard a rumour that Danny Boyle may also be involved, any truth there?

GAVIN BAIN: Yeah, we were all pushing for him to get on-board and he was really keen, but he’s completely packed up with the opening ceremony of the Olympics, so that ruled him out, especially with the time frame we are aiming for. We all thought about waiting for him, but there are so many great young directors around, and there is a lot of interest, so we all decided to move forward with our initial time frame.

ALEXANDER SMITH: Will you be involved on set?

GAVIN BAIN: Yeah, I plan to be pretty involved if possible; actually, I was thinking of going along to the audition and trying out for the part of me. (laughs)

ALEXANDER SMITH: So, presuming you don’t get it, do you have an idea of who you would like to play Gavin Bain?

GAVIN BAIN: Well, there is a guy who I want to play me and I think he would be perfect, and I’ll tell you who when you stop recording! I really like him and his personal back story, and everything I have seen him in, he’s been great, so I really hope that comes together.

California Schemin’ is available now, published by Simon & Schuster

© Alexander Smith, 2010

Links

• Decca Aitkenhead’s Guardian Feature

• California Schemin’ at Simon & Schuster